Welcome to The Tree of Thought, now a newsletter and maybe one day a book, where I post occasional (how occasional, I have no idea) thoughts on how to be happy—at work, at home, and in life.
The Thesis
The basic idea of The Tree of Thought, the thesis if you will, is that sadness is a lifestyle disease. It is there, persistent, inevitable, permanent, and incurable.
You will not get everything you want. You will not be loved by people you want to love you or the way you want to be loved. People will die. You will fail.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is that sadness can be managed. Just like Type 2 diabetes. It won’t go away, mind you, and keeping it in check is a bitch (both sadness and blood sugar).
But there are ways to control sadness, and maybe sometimes, that is the most we can do in our pursuit of happiness. This newsletter, which may become a book, is supposed to provide you with some of these ways.
Or at least that is the central conceit.
Tell Me Something I Don’t Know
Now, this is the point at which you say—-that’s it? There are ways to be happy. Sadness is not permanent. Everyone knows that.
First thing, when you are in the genre of “self-help” or “personal philosophy,” there is nothing that anyone can say that you do not already know. This is, after all, not the ending of Usual Suspects or of “Shakchunni” (plug for one of my novels) that is going to catch you off-guard. The best that can be done in a newsletter and maybe someday a book is to present things in a way that you would not have thought of yourself, leading to insights that you otherwise would not have.
Presentation is important. Anyone who has ever worked at a top consulting firm would tell you that.
YOU BE YOU
This brings me to where I believe I approach the problem differently from every other middle-aged uncle who dispenses advice. Unlike them, I do not ask for people to fundamentally change themselves in the pursuit of happiness.
Do not be jealous. Do not covet what others have. Do not go on social media. Do not gossip about people behind their backs. Obey the golden rule. When they go low, you go high. Keep expectations low so you will not be disappointed.
These are, of course, all good things to do. Like eating vegetables and warm water and exercising for four hours a day, with mixing cardio and strength, and one day for recovery.
However, when it comes to my newsletter, I obey the Golden Rule.
I give people the advice I myself need to hear.
I have all the six or is it the seven, sins in significant proportions, and I believe most people do, too, no matter what they claim in public or convince themselves in private. Any practical personal philosophy for happiness (or rather controlling sadness) needs to be resilient in the face of our individual failings.
We will feel a pang at the base of our stomach when our colleague posts a “Promoted to Vice President” on LinkedIn. We will want things and people that are not ours to desire. We will lose our heads and fly into fits of anger.
We can try not to, of course, but, hey, we will.
To put it as a fridge magnet:
I WILL BE ME.
And yes, it is still possible to be happy. This newsletter, maybe a book one day, tells you how.
Still Don’t Get What You Are Trying To Say
So, I might have painted myself into a corner here. If I am not asking you to change for the better fundamentally, and we all know what “better” is, in this context, what exactly am I telling you to do? What is the Tree of Thought about then?
The hint is in the name of the newsletter or maybe a book.
“Thought”.
Thinking is what allows us to understand what makes us unhappy.
It would be great if we were not jealous. It would be great if we never compared ourselves to others. But we do. Since we cannot change that (at least I cannot), maybe let me try to understand why I didn’t get that promotion at work. For that, I need to understand bigger questions, such as how modern corporations understand and reward value (Ancient and even modern philosophers say very little about this). Why do some people consistently ace interviews while others cannot? Luck? Every time? What choices in life did that bully from high school take so that he earns twice as much as I do? Was he just lucky? Or did he, maybe unknowingly, take a fork in the road I did not? Is there something I can do to change myself? Or has my path through life put me in a spot from where I can never realistically get where I want to be? In that case, maybe it makes sense to recalibrate my definition of happiness. Or maybe direct my ambitions elsewhere? Redefine what success is; maybe let’s try that. Or maybe I cannot or do not want to let go of the dream I had at 16. At least then, the exercise of thinking through why things never worked out allows me to have closure. And sometimes, closures, be it for relationships or dreams, are really all that you can hope for.
But there is more to happiness in this age of social media. Is my definition of happiness really mine? Or has it been implanted in my head, in the way of the movie “Inception”? What about that deep emptiness I feel for reasons I do not know? Or my unexplained irritation when I start watching YouTube videos, something I have never felt before? Has that, too, been put there by corporations ready to step in to fill that hole in my heart? Again, I am not going off social media. Or stop doom-scrolling at night, or stop buying things I do not need. That would be like yanking out my teeth with pliers. Still, at least I should understand when and how I am being manipulated in this age when synthetic seeding of inadequacy and powerlessness is a billion-dollar industry. That knowledge itself, the control that it brings, is happiness.
This newsletter, maybe one day a book, will provide a way for you to think about happiness and sadness and success and failure. It will help you pop the trunk and peer inside at the timing belt and the engine. Once you do that, you will know why your start is not as smooth as you thought it would be, why your ride gets bumpy at high speeds, or why you seem to break down more often than you think you should. Socrates called this the examined life, and it is this examination of life, work, relationships, and dreams that our thoughts shall center around.
Done With The Thought, Now The Tree Part
The last section was dense. I know. Of course, I am going to elaborate on everything I just said over the course of this newsletter. That’s the Tree part, the branches, and sub-branches of thought, stretching out with its sinewy fingers to this topic and that.
When this thing ends, as I hope it will one day, you might still not have found any measure of happiness, but at least you will better understand the last section.
Which brings me to the caveat.
I May Be Wrong
Everything I say here may be wrong. I have had no revelations from divine authorities. I struggle with happiness and sadness every day myself, even after knowing how this newsletter, maybe a book, ends. And that is okay. The struggle is real. But what I can say is that examining the “why”s of my ebbs and flows has allowed me to better deal with what life throws at me, compared to if I had just let myself ride the waves of my emotions. But just because it works for me does not mean it will work for you.
There are no guarantees.
It's just a tree in my thoughts. And thoughts that spring from that tree.
Till the next time. Till the next page.